Losing myself

There are too many things to have in my heart and brain, but I cannot make any words to release

all of them from there. Just piling up piling up piling up. I don't have any energies to go to school, 

go to work, do things, have conversations with people, think normally. I don't even know what I am.
Ha.. I've been tired of feeling like this for years..  I might need tranquilizers again.
That couldn't be the solution to kill these feelings even if I got tranquilizers, though.
I didn't expect that I would become a loser when I was little. Funny.